DANGER! HIGH VOLTAGE!

VP Chicken Legs is married to VP Ugly Sweater. She loves her horse. She loves her horse so much that everyday she visits the CEO’s personal schlepper, Miss Cackler, to chat about the damn thing. Today’s issue was the $75 training fee for a 15-minute session in which her horse took all of two steps.

So if it's true that the higher you get on the corporate ladder, the easier it is to slack off, then I must be getting some of the best training. Granted I am not yet at VP Ugly Sweater’s level where I can blatantly take off for three hours to drive thirty miles away for a midday horse training session. But I sure am catching on fast. It’s my third day back from vacation and I can honestly say, my unproductive streak has now gone an unbroken 2 and a half weeks straight. It’s all the more gratifying since the CEO’s view out of her glass wall is my piece of the square pie at Cubedom. I wonder if she’d notice, were I to pull a George Kostanza and take a nap under my desk?

So what started this whole train of thought? Overhearing VP Ugly Sweater say the most hilarious thing at 2pm on a Wednesday afternoon. Once she was done chatting about the training session to fellow horseshit-shoveller Miss Cackler, she walks over to the CEO’s waiting area. Seated on the couch was the almighty, self-important, motormouth, ex used car salesman and now god of insurance sales, J. fucking C. The two strike up another conversation and are joined by the only southern man I know who must tan using a tanning bed, the suspender-wearing, training expert, GM.

VPUS: Look at you sitting quietly while waiting for D**** (aka the only CEO I know that only has a BA to her name).
JC: Yeah, I’ll just camp here till they’re done.
GM: Oh no, I’ve got me a 2pm audience with her.
JC: Well, I’m staying right here. Even if I fall asleep on this here couch.
VPUS: Miss Cackler will wake you up. She’s the gatekeeper.
GM: Or I’ll nudge ya when I’m done.
VPUS: You know what you need? You need a shocker! We could get you one of those shock collars.
GM: Zap you awake!

The Shark has a theory the VP Chicken Legs is the way he is because his brute of a wife is actually his dominatrix and forces the riding crop and gag on him nightly. Good God, I think he hit the nail right on the head.

For the noobs - SHOCKER Now go flash it proudly.