Forgive me Father for I have sinned.

The 35-page document has officially been delivered to VP Chicken Legs and to HR. The investigation has started. Somebody is walking around with puffy eyes - and it ain't me! BWAHAHAHAHA! I know, I know, I'm E-V-I-L.

I can't divulge all the contents of the complaint packet. But I can say that I covered the following areas:

1. Unprofessionalism and Discrimination (WHAT? I said I would pull out all stops. Besides, I have a big problem with people asking me to clean up their messes. Why do you think I've never worked at a restaurant?!?! Just because I'm Flip doesn't mean I cook, clean and wipe asses - geriatric or otherwise!)
2. Basic Job Duties are Not Performed
3. Inappropriate Manipulation of Audits and Audit Results
4. Inappropriate Utilization of Staff
5. Continued History of Errors

As a Catholic, my repentance plan is to do a 3 mile run this afternoon. Shit, it might just make me shed some tears.

I'll slap you like a bitch and you'll take it like a whore!

So Nice Brown Girl is going to give the 2 hour commute a chance. She's opted to work 10 hours, 4 days a week with Wednesdays off. The day after the Hag announces this change, Brown Girl takes a scheduled day off. So at 10:30am yesterday, Dipshit with the Fungus problem comes over and tells me that the Hag thinks Brown Girl has abandoned the job. Dipshit looks at me and says, "I thought she had today off? Didn't she announce that at our meeting yesterday?" I said, "That's what I heard from the horses's mouth too." So Dipshit asks me to break the news (again) to the Hag. I agree and do so with pleasure dripping out of every pore.

Me: "So you do realize Brown Girl has today off, right?"
H: "Oh, I don't recall that."
Me: "You said it in front of everyone at our meeting yesterday."
H: "I did?"
Me: "Yes, right after you announced her new schedule."

Brown Girl comes in today and finds a yellow sticky note with the words, "Meeting at 9am, Room 451" on it. She comes over and asks if I know where Room 451 might be. I replied that I am taking bets that she got the room number wrong and she really means Room 450. Vice President Chicken Legs overhears and decides to go on the room hunt with Brown Girl. Ten minutes later they come back and agreed it didn't exist. They finally find the Hag and confirm that it was supposed to be Room 450. So Brown Girl goes off to her meeting. She comes out and has steam radiating from her ears. She emails me with the outcome.

"Basically, Dipshit had already told me how she was told by the Hag that she assumed I had quit. She also told Dipshit that she wasn't going to give me a good reference. But she called the meeting because she felt I was aggressive with her on Tuesday about getting proper training for the audit I have to do. She thinks that my walks with you have impacted me...that you are turning me against her. What? What? I say what? How dare she talk about me, and you, to another co-worker."

Oh. It. is. so. fucking. on. bitch.

Can't we just fast forward to the good times?

This day is fast going down into the annals of history as the worst Monday ever. After the fabulous but drizzly weekend we had in Seattle, I was greeted by a parking violation ticket on my windshield this morning. Shortly after that, a reminder that I work for the reigning titleist of Stupidest Boss Ever, was waiting for me on my chair at work. It said, "2/23/07, The meeting has changed from 9:00 am to 10:30am at Room 150." My first thought was to ignore it since the paper notice was obviously five months late and not sent electronically through Lotus Notes. (Uh hello, I wouldn't be in the line of work I'm in if I wasn't a stickler for Standard Fucking Operating Procedures!) But then I thought how hilarious it would be to watch her try to hold a meeting in someone else's office. She must not have paid attention to the announcement that Room 150 was being converted into the new IT Director's office. Completing the trifecta proving that this was a bad day to get out of bed: Nice Brown Girl is probably going to quit. She is moving to downtown Vancity with her husband thus giving her a two hour commute to work, and that's one way.

Fuck the City of Bellingham.
Fuck Apex.
Fuck the Hag.
Fuck the border wait lines.

On a lighter note, the reason why my return to reality is hitting me a lot harder today is because my weekend was spent with good friends, good food and good times all around. We went to the Bite of Seattle with the 206 gang and with Big J and his new fiancee, who drove up from Portland. We tried a crazy amount of food but a few of the popular favorites were: Rhodie's ribs with 'Hooch' Sauce and Pork Sandwiches (I was representing Team Flip, ofcourse, what with our outrageous pork consumption), Crawfish Etoufee, Crab Cakes, Deep Fried Maki (scallop, asparagus and crab roll with tempura batter and topped with spicy crab), Mango Lemonade.

I bonded with Sammi's Schnauzer A.J. (for Apple Jacks, not the Backstreet Boy) and am now adding Dog Trainer to my list of alternate careers.

We spent the remainder of the evening playing pool and foozeball at Jillian's. The Hennessy was sipped and not shot this time around. As a reward for showing kindness to our livers, we got up early on Sunday and went for dimsum. The usual goodies were present on the table. (If you consider chicken feet, tripe and bean curd goodies.) The usual chatter and cheer of our boisterous group.

We took our full bellies north to Tulalip and did some outlet shopping. I've been keeping an eye out for dresses since getting invitations to two weddings this summer. Ann Taylor had a gorgeous black and white chiffon strapless tea length dress with a square neckline. But I decided to hold out since I haven't yet tried on this summer's dresses from Anthropologie.

Once we finally said our goodbyes, we spent the evening chilling on the couch while watching The Hills Have Eyes and sipping on some (ofcourse I had to) tomato soup. Oh, if only everyday was a weekend.

You know people hate you when..

You offer free food and nobody takes you up on your offer.

Yesterday

3:58PM - The Hag announces that she will be bringing snacks for the department tomorrow.

Today

8:46AM - The Hag sends out an email with the subject line: SNACK TIME (WTF is this, pre-school?)

10:20AM - The Hag walks from cube to cube inquiring whether we received her email.

10:30AM - The cheese is hardening, the crackers going stale and the cherries have been ignored. Nobody has touched the plate she has prepared. I am in my cube avoiding further coaxing as another hag comes to mind.

Bruja! Bruja! Bruja!

For your collective eye rolling purposes, here's how my Friday morning started.

H: Are you working offline or something because I can't find the grievance data on the worksheets folder?
M: Yes, I had to create copies because you were in the files and I couldn't edit them. It was either that or twiddle my thumbs.
H: Oh. I usually open them when you're not around. But I didn't know they were still open because there is a new procedure for saving in Excel on my computer.
M: There has never been a change in saving excel files. It doesn't matter what version you have it's still the same way to save it.
H: (Death Stare!) Well my computer got upgraded.
M: Like I said, it's not going to matter. What version are you using?
H: Well I didn't really look into that.
M: Okaaaaaaay.
H: Well anyway -
M: Okay.
H: Well anyway, when do you think you will transfer those files?
M: When I'm finished with auditing the appeals.

Set change: The Hag's cube

H tries to recreate so called new saving method and fails. I told her she is describing what happens when Excel forces you to either save or exit without saving because you are in read-only mode. She gives me the death stare yet again for calling her out on going into the worksheets behind my back. She says she is so busy today but sometime soon, she would like to try opening the file when I have it open to see if it will work then.

I have walked away but the beyatch isn't out of danger of getting a backhand across the cheek. You can just call me Katie Couric today.

I've got love for you if you were born in the 80's.

The Hag ought to really consider early retirement. My first week back from vacation certainly had its usual flair of a monkey and donkey show. But no matter, I’ve got some new music to keep me detached from the hubbub of idiocy and confusion one cube wall away.

Looking back at my tenure (6 years that now feels like a sentence of eternal hell-fire) here at the Brown Building of Doom. I have certainly done a 180 from the days of wanting to be perceived as ambitious, older and mature for my age. Now I'm a model slacker who is dreading turning 30. My sisters never pass up the chance to remind me that I’ll be off the calendar in a few years. It’s not that my outlook in life has gotten bleak. I just refuse to join the population that spends their lives in a state of general marasmus. And with that, I chose not to invest any more time with people over 55. (family excluded, ofcourse.) Yes, you guys are welcome to flame me for being age-cist. I’m sure it’s just another phase I’ll tire of soon enough.

Today I am going on a hike with Rupinder, the Ds and their two dental externs. Papa D is a dentist and always takes every opportunity he can to pass on the knowledge to his young protégés. Mama D is my best Flip friend in the making. She’s even got her adorable younger son answering to “Kamusta ka?” and we’ve got a lumpia-making playdate coming up!

The destination is Fragrance Lake. It’s just a few minutes out of town and although mostly uphill, pays off with a gorgeous view of the islands. The Tsu-man and I keep saying we would go on this hike more often. The lack of free time has always gotten in the way. But once I’m up there and feeling the burn, I always find myself daydreaming that I am working towards getting those buns of steel I’ve always wanted. I blame you, Nadia. And my dad for making me quit gymnastics because I was getting to “that age” where it was perceived to be inappropriate to have a male coach.

Creating another playlist has been put on the back burner (Sorry guys. I love the rarity known as the sun too much, to be cooped up in front of the computer) So for now I thought I would maybe list the top ten songs on my summer soundtrack. You guys can procure them in however way law abiding citizens get their music these days.

1.) Acceptable in the 80’s – Calvin Harris
2.) Stars in Their Eyes – Just Jack
3.) Electropop – Jupiter Rising
4.) Clumsy – Fergie
5.) What A Feeling – Global Deejays
6.) Don’t Stop – Rihanna (but you must get the Wideboys Radio edit)
7.) Shake Tramp – Marianas Trench
8.) Because The Night – Linda O
9.) Sorry – Kaskade
10.) Big Girls Don’t Cry – Fergie (can’t explain it but oddly like it.)

Ta ta for now chickees!

A sunny day, at last.

Girlfriend's 26th birthday was on July 1st. But since everyone was out of town, the party was postponed until Saturday the 7th. We headed down to Stanwood for a day of fun, margaritas and friends.



The Heimerenator and I opted to stay on the deck while everyone headed for the lounge chairs.










As soon as the tide was out, we made our way to an island to play mud football. Here's Jenn assuming the position. Hut hut!

















I hung out with Tia, a cute maltese mix, for a little bit. Sharky, The Heimerenator and I chilled until the sun set. Then we had a ping pong tourney and watched Beverly Hills Ninja.

Portland was hot, hot, hot.

Literally. I abandoned my hot tub idea the moment I felt the suffocatingly warm air. We left Tillamook, OR and headed east on Hwy 6. Two hours later, we arrived at Big J's to a barbecue in full swing. Within five minutes we downed two shots of Hennessy each as punishment for being late to the G2IC OG reunion (It's not a gang, it's a club yo.)











L-R: Ive, Dan, Thanh, Nate, Big J










Thanh the lightweight struggles to stay upright as Nate gives everyone his beefy grin.











The Asian glow brought on by Jose Cuervo.

Jon-Jon had the right idea: Pho first, shots second. (Obviously, he is Flip what the double names and all.)

I don't even know why I still get shocked at the amount of sashimi this man can eat.

Making international calls on a demo iPhone, as only Asians can!

We had a fun time with the group. Johnny's daily barbecues had enough meat to turn anyone into a vegetarian but the secret sauce kept me coming back. We hit up a karaoke bar, had fabulous dim sum, sushi, Ana's dancing shrimp (Laoatian kinilaw!) We caught a showing of the Transformers and took turns playing pranks on the first one to pass out from the endless booze.

We drove north to Seattle on the 4th and watched the fireworks on the road. I would highly recommend it to anyone wanting to see the show but not dealing with the crowd. It was probably a good thing or we would have ended up as the obnoxious, belligerent people that parents give dirty stares to because of the public man-on-man dry humping on display.

See you crazy guys next year when my liver is back to normal. Love you long time, ha-neey!

Go west

For those of us who have to follow the standard US vacation schedule, that dry spell between January 1st and May 31st goes by as slow as molasses. Naturally, the Tsu-man and I have been hankering for a getaway for a while now. Plans to meet up with friends started a few months back. So, the majority of last week was spent in Oregon. The first part of our trip was on the coast. Our first stop was Astoria, home of the Goonies. We hit, Fort Stevens, Seaside, Cannon Beach and Tillamook, all part of the Lewis & Clark Trail.

It was relaxing in a forget-your-hair-dryer and live-in-your-bikini sense. Ha! Who am I kidding, it was 65 degrees, windy and cold. I lived in my fleece hoodie and my hair was in a bun to avoid whipping some poor passerby.

Astoria - Maritime History Museum

Fort Stevens - Happy to see the Pacific Ocean again.

Fort Stevens - an actual shipwreck. As I was a bad student, my history lessons usually don't include details.

Seaside - for serious sand volleyball.

Outside Cannon Beach - a mighty long drop.