Meanwhile, back at the ranch...

Things have been a bit blah of late here at the ole Brown Building of Doom. It's not as exciting now that the Hag has taken to avoiding me. he he. It could possibly be that she has taken to targetting a different threat instead. Missy Kissy confirmed the completion of the Hag Bend Over maneuver. She has just been informed that the project coordinator position that was promised to her (and the rest of the department, it seems.) is being taken out of consideration.

The next three weekends are ones to look forward to. The Tsu-man and I are making our annual Labor Day trek to Victoria, BC to visit friends. Then we are off to Ocean Shores, WA for the Davenport-Grey wedding on the 8th. Then it's back to Vancouver for Part I of cousin Louise's nuptial extravaganza on the 15th.

Today is hair cut and color afternoon. But until then ...it's back to the (gulp) grind.

Addendum: It seems this has been the summer of tickets for me. Sista got a speeding ticket (my first one in atleast 7 years) on her way to the hair dressers. Fuck. Sometimes, I really hate Bellingham.

I miss the days

When the Hag actually did something that would outrage me. Nothing surprises me anymore.

Ever since Sane Coworker moved to a different department, I have been left the lone task of attempting to make the witch choke on her own spit. Then Brown Girl joined forces - for which I was accused of being a bad influence. Nasty Raspy Dolly is still playing the fence. But Missy Kissy (for the easy way with which she has seduced me into friendship) is the newest Hag recruit. Today she got her first taste of what the Hag calls an "application of the Deming Management Method." (Poor W.E. Deming. His name is now going to be mistaken for Buttfuck-Middle-of-Nowhere Deming, WA. It certainly explains her inbred, ignorant logic.)

Missy Kissy: "So I have now been hit with a Hag maneuver. Turns out that she has been promising the project coordinator position that she keeps discussing, to both me and Brown Girl. Nice."
Moi: "Welcome to the club. Let's collectively roll our eyes in 1-2-3! Aside from the lessons brought about by my situation, I wish I could help you somehow."

I wonder how long it will take before Brown Girl and Missy Kissy turn their own formal complaint against the Hag. Maybe I can help by providing guidance? BWAHAHAHA!

For when the going gets rough, the tough get their picture in the press

So what is there to do when stupidity, age and disability trumps minority status? When HR tells you their hands are tied but "we'll make sure to follow up on the situation and you need to tell us if retaliation occurs"? When VP Chicken Legs decides to put the issue on the backburner? When a confrontation ends in "lets agree to disagree"?

1.) Say fuck them all and quit.
2.) Slit the motherfucker's throat and watch her die slowly.
3.) Push her out her cube window. (I don't think a 4 story fall will work on this witch though.)
4.) Go shopping and have a martini or two.

I think my safest bet is #4. I need a new pair of jeans and dresses for a couple of weddings I'm going to these next few weekends anyway. I would have preferred option #2 but I don't think I'm hardcore enough to survive prison. I know I talk all tough but I really am a creampuff at heart. Besides, stilettos and blogging are not allowed in prison, yeah?

The Infamy of Jake and His Harem

The girls have all agreed to keep the details of the weekend to ourselves. What I can say is that we certainly made the right decision to make this get together an annual thing. Apparently, that is enough of an interval as the town of Leavenworth still remembered us from last year's rowdy celebration. ("Oh wow, you guys are back! Where is Jake?") Never ones to disappoint, we left the town in an uproar again this year.
Motorboat Queue- see Vince Vaughn's definition in The Wedding Crashers.

A Dance Off- Although we seceded the title to a raggedy haired, Jamiroquai wannabe, it was worth it to pull out The Sprinkler, The Running Man and The Roger Rabbit again.

Logan - apparently, my underage firefighter is quite well known in those parts. (yes, I said MY.) We kept running into his buddies who, in turn, kept calling him to come out and party. Sadly, he was on duty and stuck at the fire station. *Visions of S&TC Samantha come to mind* EEEK! Bianca did have a great idea though - burn the house down and he'll come.

Shots - Buttery Nipples, Chocolate Cakes, Duck Farts, Paralyzers, Porn Stars, Tequila... we were a bottomless pit.

....And that's all folks... heee heee.

I did take home some great bottles of wine! Flavored ones like Asian Pear and Arabica Coffee. Inventive hybrids like the Singing Toad and Lip Service Rose from Maison de Padgett. (Check out the link. I've been preaching about them for years. I just can't stop. I'm so glad they have a wine club for people like me who don't live close to the winery or their tasting rooms.) I also picked up this year's version of hot tub wine, a light Chenin Blanc.

One other new discovery from the weekend: Hangar One vodka. MMM.. MMM... MMM! Hangar One Mandarin Presses may just replace Greyhounds from now on.

Wish I could go into further detail but, I can't be the tattletale of the bunch, can I?

It figures

The weekend was too good to be true. I knew coming back to work would feel like I crash landed into hell all over again. Yesterday marked my 6th year anniversary here at the Brown Building of Doom. With this milestone, the Hag is obligated to provide me with an evaluation. Her stilted email confirms she would rather be doing something else.

"Your evaluation is due this week and I have to do it on time.

I won't be asking you to do a self evaluation, but please sent me an e-mail today of a couple of things you would like to work on.

I plan to probably do it Friday, but I will want to chat with you a few minutes on Thursday in preparation. I will schedule these times.

I am planning on speaking to your many positive attributes, and a few things to work on.

Thank you." (paragraphs, much?)

Bring it on, bitch. Friday will be a fun day indeed. HR meeting first thing in the morning and now this. he he he.

Leave your man, change your name and shed your skin!

It's T minutes 75 hours before 8 porn stars- DeeDee, Bianca, Loulou, Shaniqua, Shanaynay and their 3 pledges- make their way to Leavenworth.

The reality of that statement is no more PG-13 than a 9-year old girl's birthday party. Before visions of panty-less women in ripped orange jumpsuits come to mind, let me clarify that we are not going to the all-male maximum security prison in Kansas. It will be a group of girlfriends just hanging out in the similarly named, (fake) Bavarian inspired town located somewhere in central Washington state. We chose the town for it's numerous wine tasting rooms and close vicinity to a river. Good friends don't need a hyped up setting. Besides, the small size of the town ensures we will be able to paint the whole town hot pink! Here is our recipe for this weekend's fun:

1. Non-fussy women!
2. A private house, hot tub and jacuzzi.
3. My new Volcom Slip n' Slide bikini! (Yay, Jap! I found it in black and yellow.)
4. 2 bottles of vodka - for tubing down the river.
5. Beer - for the non vodka drinkers and to go with the bratwursts. (well, not all sausages are banned from this gathering.)
6. 2 bottles of tequila - for prefunking before we wreak havoc at the Ducks & Drakes. (Oh, Logan!)
7. 1 bottle of blue curacao, 1 bottle of raspberry sour puss, 1 bottle of raspberry rum - for Porn Star shots.
8. A 50 pill pack of Ibuprofen. (If this doesn't work, atleast I have next Monday off.)

Mix. Shake. Repeat.

Friday can't come fast enough. My heart is pumped. My liver, I'm sure, is on it's knees begging for mercy.

Que?

I knew there was a reason why I dragged my ass to work today. My Monday mornings are usually wasted. The first hour is spent answering the dreaded "How was your weekend?" question from co-workers. The second is an exercise in self-control. Between having to listen to the politically correct, work scrubbed version of the same stories and the Hag's Darth Vader-like consumption of oxygen, it's almost sadomasochistic for me to stay in that room. Luckily, these meetings have dwindled down from an hour to 15 minutes (on a very good day!) Today's meeting was especially satisfactory. The Hag's closing statements were as follows:

"I just wanted to address the events of last week that may have caused anyone anxiety. I apologize. It seems my common sense was out the window that week. I don't know if there are any complaints about me that I don't know about. But the ones that I am aware of, I will not be doing again. So if any of you want to speak about it, there are different ways. Email, private conference or here at our team meeting."

Yeah.. huh... First of all, she wasn't on her knees. Second of all, there's only one way I will discuss the issue with her - in front of a Human Resources representative. Lastly, unless she gets a brain transplant (with the donor brain preferrably having an IQ of over 130!) I will never be able to view her as an equal, let alone a superior.

Ahh.. Maxie the Unforgiving. I truly am my father's daughter.