And this is why I stay away

A qoute from my self professed whore of a sister and how she is trying to justify her actions by pointing fingers at the rest of us.

"June 13, 2008 - Friday

all happy families are alike;
every unhappy family is unhappy in their own way.what did tolstoy mean when he said this??did he mean that happy families are alike in being generic. thus striving for a happy family isn't it-- because being unhappy means individualism and being different?

fuck. my family is so unhappy.it took one drink for my cousin, kate, and I to lay it on the table.one of us is on our high horse and won't speak to everyone else.other's are struggling with their sexuality. one's pregnant. one's divorced.a couple of us didn't get high school diplomas. I'm struggling to get throughcollege. most of us don't have a college degree. everyone's marriage is fucked. my mom's a two-timer. my father's a manic depressive. my brother could have attention defecit disorder.

and I. I am hot-blooded and looking for myself (still).any guy who gives me the time of day, I lap and drool overbecause I have my own insecurity, trust, and attention issues.I constantly keep my guard up so another male doesn't fuckwith me like synor did, or like john did. when I get vulnerable, people piss off and tell me to get over it.jordan tells me bullshit like I shouldn't write him off;and all I think about is how he knows what to say to keep me wanting more.he asked me to make it meaningful the other night, and that mademe feel like a user-- someone just looking to score.for the longest time, I've been okay with that: using people to get over how much I've been used.

then I'm in the shit I let my guard down and no one wants to hold my handthrough it. fuck people. if there's one thing I'm learning, you really cannotdepend on anyone else for any reason. no one will be there, no one willlove you as much as you could love yourself. you can't love anyone when youdon't practise self respect. and with that advice, think of how many other people love themselves-- everyone is preoccupied with their own problems,their own self-reflection, their money, their jobs, their orgasms-- much too muchfor you to expect anyone to really care about you as much as you could careabout yourself.

true love, truer than true love, truer love than you could ever know:"he knew I love you also means I love you more than anyone loves you, orhas loved you, or will love you, and also I love you in a way no one loves you,or has loved you, or will love you, and also I love you in a way that I love no one else, and never have loved anyone else, and never will love anyoneelse. he knew that is is, by love's definition, impossible to love two people."this quote is repeated because it exemplifies every absurd notion I have about love.

for that reason, I cannot love my family. I cannot wholly love my friends.I can never give myself to someone without knowing he regards that statementas much as I do. call me hopeless. call me a romantic.do not call me a hopeless romantic. I hope stronger and fiercer than most.

because in better news, until I find mr. right,mr. right now does not have to worry about my love-struck neuroses.

I understand I took this blog from families to relationships.=xforgive the inebriation. in jordan's words, "let's just be honest with each other."

Here is a link to her myspace page, that is if any of you are interested in getting to know my bastard half-sister. And I'm supposedly the one on a high horse? HA!