A qoute from my self professed whore of a sister and how she is trying to justify her actions by pointing fingers at the rest of us.
"June 13, 2008 - Friday
all happy families are alike;
every unhappy family is unhappy in their own way.what did tolstoy mean when he said this??did he mean that happy families are alike in being generic. thus striving for a happy family isn't it-- because being unhappy means individualism and being different?
fuck. my family is so unhappy.it took one drink for my cousin, kate, and I to lay it on the table.one of us is on our high horse and won't speak to everyone else.other's are struggling with their sexuality. one's pregnant. one's divorced.a couple of us didn't get high school diplomas. I'm struggling to get throughcollege. most of us don't have a college degree. everyone's marriage is fucked. my mom's a two-timer. my father's a manic depressive. my brother could have attention defecit disorder.
and I. I am hot-blooded and looking for myself (still).any guy who gives me the time of day, I lap and drool overbecause I have my own insecurity, trust, and attention issues.I constantly keep my guard up so another male doesn't fuckwith me like synor did, or like john did. when I get vulnerable, people piss off and tell me to get over it.jordan tells me bullshit like I shouldn't write him off;and all I think about is how he knows what to say to keep me wanting more.he asked me to make it meaningful the other night, and that mademe feel like a user-- someone just looking to score.for the longest time, I've been okay with that: using people to get over how much I've been used.
then I'm in the shit I let my guard down and no one wants to hold my handthrough it. fuck people. if there's one thing I'm learning, you really cannotdepend on anyone else for any reason. no one will be there, no one willlove you as much as you could love yourself. you can't love anyone when youdon't practise self respect. and with that advice, think of how many other people love themselves-- everyone is preoccupied with their own problems,their own self-reflection, their money, their jobs, their orgasms-- much too muchfor you to expect anyone to really care about you as much as you could careabout yourself.
true love, truer than true love, truer love than you could ever know:"he knew I love you also means I love you more than anyone loves you, orhas loved you, or will love you, and also I love you in a way no one loves you,or has loved you, or will love you, and also I love you in a way that I love no one else, and never have loved anyone else, and never will love anyoneelse. he knew that is is, by love's definition, impossible to love two people."this quote is repeated because it exemplifies every absurd notion I have about love.
for that reason, I cannot love my family. I cannot wholly love my friends.I can never give myself to someone without knowing he regards that statementas much as I do. call me hopeless. call me a romantic.do not call me a hopeless romantic. I hope stronger and fiercer than most.
because in better news, until I find mr. right,mr. right now does not have to worry about my love-struck neuroses.
I understand I took this blog from families to relationships.=xforgive the inebriation. in jordan's words, "let's just be honest with each other."
Here is a link to her myspace page, that is if any of you are interested in getting to know my bastard half-sister. And I'm supposedly the one on a high horse? HA!
Sunday, June 15, 2008
Wednesday, June 11, 2008
It took a lot of procrastinating to get here
5:01am - alarm clock goes off. I fumble in the dark for the shorts, tee, socks and sports bra I laid out last night.
5:20am - I am face to face with The Stairmaster.
5:30am - I think to myself, "I've been on this thing 10 minutes, I should probably stop for a bit and stretch my legs." (more procrastinating!) So I feel the burn a little more as I stretch my quads then I am back at it.
5:34am - I am out of breath and start breathing in the Lamaze fashion. I look around at the two middle-aged ladies huffing and puffing in the next row of ellipticals. I decide to try to convince myself I should step to the beat of Kamera's Lies to keep my mind off the fact that I am struggling.
5:45am - I cut the 40 minute Stairmaster session to 25 minutes and head to the row of bike machines where I spend the next 30 minutes wondering how the hell working out got so hard.
6:15am - I move on to weights and stretches and start to feel like my old self.
Apparently the trick is consistency. Lather. Rinse. Repeat. I guess I'll just have to cope with my borderline anaphylactic reaction to cardio if I'm to fit into my skinny jeans and party dresses for wedding season.
5:20am - I am face to face with The Stairmaster.
5:30am - I think to myself, "I've been on this thing 10 minutes, I should probably stop for a bit and stretch my legs." (more procrastinating!) So I feel the burn a little more as I stretch my quads then I am back at it.
5:34am - I am out of breath and start breathing in the Lamaze fashion. I look around at the two middle-aged ladies huffing and puffing in the next row of ellipticals. I decide to try to convince myself I should step to the beat of Kamera's Lies to keep my mind off the fact that I am struggling.
5:45am - I cut the 40 minute Stairmaster session to 25 minutes and head to the row of bike machines where I spend the next 30 minutes wondering how the hell working out got so hard.
6:15am - I move on to weights and stretches and start to feel like my old self.
Apparently the trick is consistency. Lather. Rinse. Repeat. I guess I'll just have to cope with my borderline anaphylactic reaction to cardio if I'm to fit into my skinny jeans and party dresses for wedding season.
Tuesday, June 10, 2008
On The Shanghai Express
-3/24/08-
Hey guys!
Internet was a bit sporadic our first week here but we've discovered a coffee place with free access! China is not so backwards after all! Well, I take that back. I did have to SQUAT to pee in every bathroom in Beijing except for the hotel. I hope that won't be the case in Shanghai because it's pretty evident I'm unable to grow a penis and well.. a girl can only take so much degradation. (I'm still mentally sitting in a corner and hugging myself.)
Just survived our last big weekend here. Hong Kong is totally a day camp for adults! They take the "work hard, play hard" mantra pretty seriously here. They have as many party districts as they do shopping. How lucky for me that we're right smack in the middle of three of them! My favorite so far is definitely Lan Kwai Fong. It's very Gwailo-fied so my meager Cantonese is more than enough to get me by. But SoHo comes close, especially since it's a quick ride (or stumble) up the travelators to get back to the Mid-Levels where we're staying.
We spent yesterday on the boat at Repulse Bay. The gang wakeboarded and I enjoyed the sun. Then we were off to a hike called Dragon's Back (because of course, everything has to be named after a mythical creature of power over here. Dragons, Phoenixes.. geeks will love it here!). The apex can only be reached after a thousand steps! But it was worth it for the view, and I can't complain about getting a base tan early either. haha. Actually, the three of us are a little more like lobsters right now - yes even this brown girl got sunburnt - but we just couldn't waste the sun. So we went to the birthday party with raccoon eyes, red noses and random tan lines. We didn't try our hand at mahjongg but ate some pretty weird food. I think that my threshold was crossed at the sea cucumber course.
Hoping to get a lot more shopping done in Shanghai. Mong kok proved fruitless. I went away with nothing more than the lingering stench of sewer mixed with deep fried stinky tofu. More to come... Hope all is well back home.
Love,
Maxie
Hey guys!
Internet was a bit sporadic our first week here but we've discovered a coffee place with free access! China is not so backwards after all! Well, I take that back. I did have to SQUAT to pee in every bathroom in Beijing except for the hotel. I hope that won't be the case in Shanghai because it's pretty evident I'm unable to grow a penis and well.. a girl can only take so much degradation. (I'm still mentally sitting in a corner and hugging myself.)
Just survived our last big weekend here. Hong Kong is totally a day camp for adults! They take the "work hard, play hard" mantra pretty seriously here. They have as many party districts as they do shopping. How lucky for me that we're right smack in the middle of three of them! My favorite so far is definitely Lan Kwai Fong. It's very Gwailo-fied so my meager Cantonese is more than enough to get me by. But SoHo comes close, especially since it's a quick ride (or stumble) up the travelators to get back to the Mid-Levels where we're staying.
We spent yesterday on the boat at Repulse Bay. The gang wakeboarded and I enjoyed the sun. Then we were off to a hike called Dragon's Back (because of course, everything has to be named after a mythical creature of power over here. Dragons, Phoenixes.. geeks will love it here!). The apex can only be reached after a thousand steps! But it was worth it for the view, and I can't complain about getting a base tan early either. haha. Actually, the three of us are a little more like lobsters right now - yes even this brown girl got sunburnt - but we just couldn't waste the sun. So we went to the birthday party with raccoon eyes, red noses and random tan lines. We didn't try our hand at mahjongg but ate some pretty weird food. I think that my threshold was crossed at the sea cucumber course.
Hoping to get a lot more shopping done in Shanghai. Mong kok proved fruitless. I went away with nothing more than the lingering stench of sewer mixed with deep fried stinky tofu. More to come... Hope all is well back home.
Love,
Maxie
Ni Hao!
-3/23/08 -
Hey guys!
I fucking love Hong Kong!!! I always said I would never move back to Asia but this place is seriously making me think twice now. Once you guys see the pics, you'll see.
Beijing gave me a sore throat. Everyone smokes there, even at restaurants! The food sucked and the city itself was a bit drab but all the attractions were so worth the 14 hour flight out here. Climbing the great wall, seeing the forbidden city and all the old relics of empirical China was a fantastic experience.
The culinary aspect of HK has not disappointed either. French, Chinese, British Pubs in Soho, LAN KWAI FONG!!!
The shopping hasn't been all that fruitful. The "Coach" bags have Gs on the print instead of Cs. I haven't perused any FRolexes. WTH?!?! And I've been in EVERY shopping district. My Octopus card has taken me to Tsim Sha Tsui, Causeway Bay, Admiralty. I'm becoming an increasingly frustrated shopper. I feel a little bit like Julia Roberts in pretty woman, "I've got all this money and nobody will help me!!" haha. well not as much as she had to blow but I was really hoping for a neat souvenir.
We're off to wakeboard Repulse Bay tomorrow (aka. a boat ride for me), then the Big Mahjongg Throwdown Birthday on Monday. Then it's off to Shanghai. One more week but it feels like the seconds are at warp speed. DAMMIT!
More news to come... Miss you guys. But not enough to come home yet.
Love, Maxie
Hey guys!
I fucking love Hong Kong!!! I always said I would never move back to Asia but this place is seriously making me think twice now. Once you guys see the pics, you'll see.
Beijing gave me a sore throat. Everyone smokes there, even at restaurants! The food sucked and the city itself was a bit drab but all the attractions were so worth the 14 hour flight out here. Climbing the great wall, seeing the forbidden city and all the old relics of empirical China was a fantastic experience.
The culinary aspect of HK has not disappointed either. French, Chinese, British Pubs in Soho, LAN KWAI FONG!!!
The shopping hasn't been all that fruitful. The "Coach" bags have Gs on the print instead of Cs. I haven't perused any FRolexes. WTH?!?! And I've been in EVERY shopping district. My Octopus card has taken me to Tsim Sha Tsui, Causeway Bay, Admiralty. I'm becoming an increasingly frustrated shopper. I feel a little bit like Julia Roberts in pretty woman, "I've got all this money and nobody will help me!!" haha. well not as much as she had to blow but I was really hoping for a neat souvenir.
We're off to wakeboard Repulse Bay tomorrow (aka. a boat ride for me), then the Big Mahjongg Throwdown Birthday on Monday. Then it's off to Shanghai. One more week but it feels like the seconds are at warp speed. DAMMIT!
More news to come... Miss you guys. But not enough to come home yet.
Love, Maxie
Summertime.. and the livin's easy
Granted the weather hasn’t really been summer weather over here. Our highs go no farther than 65. Meaning outdoor volleyball has been sporadic. Most outdoor activities have actually been put on hold as the month of June has just officially turned into June-uary.
First things first, updates!
1. Although I didn’t get what I wanted, what with the Hag’s demise not being a permanent one and all, she has been banished elsewhere in the building. I no longer have to begrudgingly tell people I report to the incompetent, mentally crippled, mouth breather.
2. We spent the last two weeks of March in Asia. I’ll follow up this post with emails I sent to the gang from the Far East.
3. Our post-vacation adventures have been more along the lines of domesticity. Currently feeling frazzled with all the moving tasks.
4. Which is a good thing that item #1 happened because I now use my time at work to prop my feet up and relax. See examples below.
5. Sis is prego. ‘Nuff said, right? If only the news didn’t come with the obligation to visit. First of all, it would be late July in Vegas (I want the sun but not that much!) and secondly, well… it would be another awkward family gathering. But then again, we’ve turned dysfunction into an art. I’ll be fine.
If not, I will definitely be fine after spending a long weekend in Cabo San Lucas in August!
First things first, updates!
1. Although I didn’t get what I wanted, what with the Hag’s demise not being a permanent one and all, she has been banished elsewhere in the building. I no longer have to begrudgingly tell people I report to the incompetent, mentally crippled, mouth breather.
2. We spent the last two weeks of March in Asia. I’ll follow up this post with emails I sent to the gang from the Far East.
3. Our post-vacation adventures have been more along the lines of domesticity. Currently feeling frazzled with all the moving tasks.
4. Which is a good thing that item #1 happened because I now use my time at work to prop my feet up and relax. See examples below.
5. Sis is prego. ‘Nuff said, right? If only the news didn’t come with the obligation to visit. First of all, it would be late July in Vegas (I want the sun but not that much!) and secondly, well… it would be another awkward family gathering. But then again, we’ve turned dysfunction into an art. I’ll be fine.
If not, I will definitely be fine after spending a long weekend in Cabo San Lucas in August!
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