updates and things

Ding! Dong! The Witch is Dead!

noreply@blogger.com (Eem Eem) — Thu, 12 Nov 2009 23:07:00 +0000

Oh happy day!

Today brings about the demise of the one person I have devoted way too much time, words and temper tantrums to. Today, the Hag got laid off. As such, I find it very fitting that despite having ignored blogging for a while, it is the perfect little venue for me to announce the happy news.

Sayonara, bitch! (and you all know that's the pg-13 version of what I'm really saying!)

Weekend Update

noreply@blogger.com (Eem Eem) — Tue, 08 Sep 2009 16:13:00 +0000

6 girls, 3 nights, 5 clubs, 1 lounge, 1 show, 2 pools, and an unaccounted for number of shots. Vegas done right.

Tales From the Waxed Side

noreply@blogger.com (Eem Eem) — Wed, 22 Jul 2009 20:21:00 +0000

I'm going to need a bottle of wine after this appointment. Not for the pain, but for the shame.

A: Okay ladies, I need a recommendation on where in town I can go to get a wax – the Brazilian kind
Me: I've never been to one in town but there's pretty much only 2 places I've heard of that do them. I'll go if you go.
A: I sent a request for appointments Friday at Zazen – does that work for you? I will let you know when I hear back
Me: Friday after work? Yes! Thanks!
A: Fyi - They want us to show up a little early so you can fill out a new client form. This is my first Brazilian – how about you? Hoping its not too painful
Me: Sounds good to me. It will be my first one as well. I've gone for a regular bikini wax but not the full shebang. It's not too painful right at the bikini line. The more sensitive areas however, I'm not so sure. We'll find out on Friday though. haha.
A: Agreed, bikini area is not bad. It’s the other 2 “areas” I’m a little worried about – I guess we’ll be finding out…….
Me: Someone needs to invent a lidocaine based cream so women won't feel a thing while getting waxed! Is it true that we may have to get on our hands and knees so they can reach all the areas?
A: I have heard about the possibility of the all fours position. Which I think I would prefer as opposed to the “laying on your stomach and holding your cheeks apart” position. I guess we’ll find out Friday. D is first so if we hear howling we know it’s the all fours!

Not all fine dining requires pre or post-eating.

noreply@blogger.com (Eem Eem) — Wed, 13 May 2009 15:29:00 +0000

May 12th 2009 commemorates the third year of when the Tsu-man and I took the leap to DINK-dom. Every year, we have made it a tradition to have the Omakase dinner at Tojo's on Broadway as part of our celebration. Every year, the chef never fails to impress. Going to Tojo's means braving not knowing what you're having for dinner and not knowing how much you're going to pay for afterwards. The ultimate thrill, which we keep getting told is illegal in North America, would be to dine on fugu, aka the poisonous blowfish. Then dinner would really mean braving not knowing if you will leave alive or in a body bag.

Last night's degustation didn't disappoint at all.

Tako sashimi - In a creamy soy, garlic, ginger-like sauce. When asked, all Chef Tojo would say is that it wasn't something you could get at the Safeway aisle!
Shiitake mushrooms and sugar snap peas in broth - Softest shiitakes ever.
Baked sea urchin - Better than any bisque I'd ever had. And it had scallops to boot!
King crab hand roll - The Tsu-man and I are still trying to figure out what the crunch at the end was.
Crab, scallop, salmon, and sweet shrimp rolled in an egg crepe - All the fabulous fish, none of the rice.
Red snapper nigiri - Chef Tojo said, it is prized for the crunch factor. This was my least favorite. Probably because the crunch almost caused me to choke.
Toro nigiri - I have always been a fan of the fatty tuna. I think the Tsu-man finally had a toro epiphany last night.
Red snapper cheek stuffed with vegetables -Red snapper redeemed. It is fantastic cooked. Perhaps I may need more chewing practice to eat it raw.
Baked, smoked sablefish in broth - This dish was particularly outstanding. I will be asking for it everytime we go to Tojo's.
Barbecued eel and cucumber inside-out, topped with strips of tuna, salmon, spinach and egg
Green tea creme brulee with a sesame crisp - This has sent me into experimentation mode. How do you infuse a creme brulee with green tea?!

We definitely left full and happy. And I didn't even think about how that meal could have gotten me a pair of Manolos!

The Sippy Cup Incident

noreply@blogger.com (Eem Eem) — Tue, 03 Mar 2009 19:18:00 +0000

JJ and Kristen are two of my favorite females not related to me. We're always up for a good time. We all like our drink, be it a good malbec or a stiff vodka or rum based cocktail. Unfortunately (or perhaps fortunately) Kristen now lives 80 miles south in the Emerald City. So when JJ and I can get our schedules synchronized between dog duty and being out of town, we make sure to make the most of it.

Our last weekend together started out with a trip to Ikea, a sure sign that we've grown domesticated over the last three years. A frozen yogurt, Swedish meatballs and a few hundred dollars later, we decided it was time to find a happy hour. (What? It was 3:30pm!)
Our first stop, Joey's in Southcenter. It was surprisingly nice, considering it is still a mall restaurant chain despite being marketed for the higher end crowd what with all the West Elm furniture. My come to mama moment? They had Hangar One vodka. Note: my moment lasted all but a moment. They just ran out of the Mandarin Blossom flavor. So my taste buds said goodbye to their hankering for a mandarin press and instead got the usual vodka and tonic. To give credit where credit is due though, it did go great with the Ahi tuna club.

In between bites of fabulous seared tuna, Kristen suggested we check out her favorite watering hole in the Fremont area. So post lunch and post-haste, off we went to Tost. Tost is where you go for a stiff drink and a $5 pizza. As I watched the bartender make my drink, I noticed he poured vodka until 3/4 of my highball glass was full. Then he added a few ice cubes and topped it off with a teeny, tiny splash of white grapefruit juice. Oh, this lush was happy. Six stiff ones and a tequila shot later, JJ and I decided we highly approved of Kristen's new boyfriend.

We left Tost for a pit stop at Kristen's before heading to the movie theater. We just had enough time to open 2 bottles of wine and pack 3 sippy cups into the giant purses we brought along for this specific purpose before the cab arrived. JJ already had the candy in hers. (Can you say premeditated?)

In keeping with the estrogen filled theme of the weekend, we chose to watch a 10pm showing of He's Just Not That Into You. The candy, wine and sippy cups came out as soon as we were seated. Apparently, the noise of the clinking bottles and plastic containers were enough to send the people around us off to find different seats. Or it could have been the loud giggling (damn you estrogen!) because a deep voice behind us gave a very stern warning that we would get kicked out if we didn't pipe down. JJ, always good for a fight, told him to get lost. I shushed her and apologized profusely but turned right back around and giggled even louder.

The rest of the movie ended up being a blur because the next thing I knew, JJ's sippy cup had turned into a puke cup. She was bent to one side emptying her stomach contents into what used to be her wine glass. I look over at Kristen and she had fallen asleep. I nudge her awake to let her know we were at code red. So off the three drunk girls went in search of the bathroom. We get there and JJ realizes she's lost her phone. Kristen had hers out to call a cab. She then decided she would call JJ's phone and I agreed to go back in the theater to look for it. It wasn't hard to find because it was lit and unsilenced. I head toward it but not before slipping on what felt like slimy yet chunky, viscous fluid. Leave it to me to end up on all fours in a movie theater! I grab the offending phone and run out of the theater, not bothering to check the state of my jeans.

Needless to say, we got out of there with our friendships, giant purses (I wasn't sacrificing a Kate Spade that night), phones and criminal records intact. My jeans, pride and knees on the other hand.. oh well, they can always do with some slight bruising.

Happy Hour and then some

noreply@blogger.com (Eem Eem) — Tue, 03 Mar 2009 18:39:00 +0000

The Temple Bar's version of bathroom reading.

Kegel Schmegel... This was all the sign I needed to stop in mid-stream!

Crossing an Age Band

noreply@blogger.com (Eem Eem) — Tue, 06 Jan 2009 11:55:00 +0000

This year marks the first time I will no longer be checking the 25-29 box on surveys, forms at the doctor's office and any other meaningless mode of data recording. But there are more telling things that have said, "Welcome to the fold", soon-to-be-middle-aged.

1. Work takes over. A six-month whirlwind tour of the country was one of the things that kept me away.

2. You sleep less and less. Mostly due to all the time zone jumping.

3. Beware of guy friends lest you be accused of having an affair.

4. Births and deaths have more of a punched in the gut feel. Oh how I hate confronting my mortality and the human condition.

on the pro side?

1. You don't have to answer to anyone for ammassing the amount of shoes or purses in your closet.

2. Travel, travel, travel.

3. You can still stick it to 'em! Fuck it, I'm keeping my guy friends, jealous girlfriends or wives can kiss my brown, getting flabby ass.

4. Baby sisters turning 21. Nieces named Maxine. Family reconciliations.

5. A maturing wine palate. I never knew popping open a bottle at noon is acceptable in certain circles.

Yes, I think I will like my 30s a lot.

Well, they did say they wanted to grow the brand.

noreply@blogger.com (Eem Eem) — Tue, 30 Sep 2008 17:35:00 +0000

So today I went to the dreaded annual physical. For women this means getting your woman bits checked and double checked for bumps and anomalies. I'm all for staying healthy down there. I'm also all for small talk so I get distracted from the fact that I am getting impaled by a metal instrument that looks like a duck bill and then getting a sample of my insides scraped off. On this particular day however, my health care provider decided that small talk would consist of her complimenting the company that I work for. Apparently a lot of people have expressed their satisfaction with said company. So much so that she's taken to referring them.

Sounds like an anecdote I should pitch for inclusion on the next Weekly Update email from the CEO.

Line Jumpers WILL Kiss My Ass

noreply@blogger.com (Eem Eem) — Mon, 07 Jul 2008 16:41:00 +0000

I've been crossing the US-Canada border for seven years now and yesterday, I got to do something that's always flashed in my head whenever I see people jump the line. (Confirming yet again the Tsu-man's astute observation that I should NEVER be given a weapon.)

The southbound border crossing currently has three lanes. Two for the regular folks and one that is dedicated as NEXUS ONLY. This means that only people with Nexus cards are allowed to use this lane. There is a signs as Highway 99 ends, signs painted on the cement, a sign as you exit the Duty Free and signs every few feet. Beautiful signs that say, "NEXUS ONLY."

It just so happened that this Pino Van (aptly named as 1.) it was a Toyota and 2.) he had his family and then some packed in there.) was exiting the Duty Free and merging onto the said NEXUS ONLY lane. The rules of the road tell me I should let him merge so I oblige. He inches forward and stops. So I crane my neck and there's nobody in front of him. I tell myself to give him a few minutes because he's got his left turn signal on and is trying to merge into the regular crossing lanes.

And then he did it. He inched forward until he'd moved about five cars length. And stops. Ten minutes later, he moves a couple more feet and does the same thing. The people in the next lane are not letting him through because like good citizens who follow the law, they have been waiting in line for the last hour and they can see that he is trying to jump ahead of the line. So then he just stops there. Until my patience runs out.

I give him a short, little honk. He doesn't move when clearly there is nobody in front of him. I crane my neck out my window and say, "Hey! Buddy! You're not supposed to be in this lane if you don't have a Nexus pass!" He still doesn't move. And I snap. I hammer down on my horn and he finally moves. People are purposely not letting him in now that I've made it (loudly) obvious to everyone else that Mr. Pino Van is trying to cut in front of the line. I ride his ass all the way until some kind soul takes pity on him and allows him to merge. Then I stop right next to him. And I show him one freshly manicured pale pink finger.

Me: "Do you know how to read? This lane is for Nexus card holders only."
Mr. Pino Van: "What the faaaaaaaaaaaaack, man?"
Me: "You're the one who's trying to cut to the front of the line! Fuck you."
Mr. Pino Van: "What the faaaaaaaaaaaaack, man?"
-EDITED-
Mr. Pino Van: "What the faaaaaaaaaaaaack, man?"

Mrs. Pino Van rolls up the window and silences her one liner of a husband. We speed off to the Nexus booth where there are NO CARS AHEAD OF US because the motherfucking Pino Van held up all the Nexus traffic. We scan our cards, have a friendly exchange with the border guard and are on our way.

Yes people, international incidents happen when you get in my way and make my 2 minute border crossing formality into a 45 minute wait. I paid to have the priviledge of using that lane. I paid with cash, I paid with my time, I paid with my privacy. So unless you've done the same thing, fucking get out of the Nexus lane if you don't belong there.

Especially when you're Filipino and you're giving the rest of us a bad rep.

And this is why I stay away

noreply@blogger.com (Eem Eem) — Sun, 15 Jun 2008 16:55:00 +0000

A qoute from my self professed whore of a sister and how she is trying to justify her actions by pointing fingers at the rest of us.

"June 13, 2008 - Friday

all happy families are alike;
every unhappy family is unhappy in their own way.what did tolstoy mean when he said this??did he mean that happy families are alike in being generic. thus striving for a happy family isn't it-- because being unhappy means individualism and being different?

fuck. my family is so unhappy.it took one drink for my cousin, kate, and I to lay it on the table.one of us is on our high horse and won't speak to everyone else.other's are struggling with their sexuality. one's pregnant. one's divorced.a couple of us didn't get high school diplomas. I'm struggling to get throughcollege. most of us don't have a college degree. everyone's marriage is fucked. my mom's a two-timer. my father's a manic depressive. my brother could have attention defecit disorder.

and I. I am hot-blooded and looking for myself (still).any guy who gives me the time of day, I lap and drool overbecause I have my own insecurity, trust, and attention issues.I constantly keep my guard up so another male doesn't fuckwith me like synor did, or like john did. when I get vulnerable, people piss off and tell me to get over it.jordan tells me bullshit like I shouldn't write him off;and all I think about is how he knows what to say to keep me wanting more.he asked me to make it meaningful the other night, and that mademe feel like a user-- someone just looking to score.for the longest time, I've been okay with that: using people to get over how much I've been used.

then I'm in the shit I let my guard down and no one wants to hold my handthrough it. fuck people. if there's one thing I'm learning, you really cannotdepend on anyone else for any reason. no one will be there, no one willlove you as much as you could love yourself. you can't love anyone when youdon't practise self respect. and with that advice, think of how many other people love themselves-- everyone is preoccupied with their own problems,their own self-reflection, their money, their jobs, their orgasms-- much too muchfor you to expect anyone to really care about you as much as you could careabout yourself.

true love, truer than true love, truer love than you could ever know:"he knew I love you also means I love you more than anyone loves you, orhas loved you, or will love you, and also I love you in a way no one loves you,or has loved you, or will love you, and also I love you in a way that I love no one else, and never have loved anyone else, and never will love anyoneelse. he knew that is is, by love's definition, impossible to love two people."this quote is repeated because it exemplifies every absurd notion I have about love.

for that reason, I cannot love my family. I cannot wholly love my friends.I can never give myself to someone without knowing he regards that statementas much as I do. call me hopeless. call me a romantic.do not call me a hopeless romantic. I hope stronger and fiercer than most.

because in better news, until I find mr. right,mr. right now does not have to worry about my love-struck neuroses.

I understand I took this blog from families to relationships.=xforgive the inebriation. in jordan's words, "let's just be honest with each other."

Here is a link to her myspace page, that is if any of you are interested in getting to know my bastard half-sister. And I'm supposedly the one on a high horse? HA!

It took a lot of procrastinating to get here

noreply@blogger.com (Eem Eem) — Wed, 11 Jun 2008 15:57:00 +0000

5:01am - alarm clock goes off. I fumble in the dark for the shorts, tee, socks and sports bra I laid out last night.

5:20am - I am face to face with The Stairmaster.

5:30am - I think to myself, "I've been on this thing 10 minutes, I should probably stop for a bit and stretch my legs." (more procrastinating!) So I feel the burn a little more as I stretch my quads then I am back at it.

5:34am - I am out of breath and start breathing in the Lamaze fashion. I look around at the two middle-aged ladies huffing and puffing in the next row of ellipticals. I decide to try to convince myself I should step to the beat of Kamera's Lies to keep my mind off the fact that I am struggling.

5:45am - I cut the 40 minute Stairmaster session to 25 minutes and head to the row of bike machines where I spend the next 30 minutes wondering how the hell working out got so hard.

6:15am - I move on to weights and stretches and start to feel like my old self.

Apparently the trick is consistency. Lather. Rinse. Repeat. I guess I'll just have to cope with my borderline anaphylactic reaction to cardio if I'm to fit into my skinny jeans and party dresses for wedding season.

On The Shanghai Express

noreply@blogger.com (Eem Eem) — Tue, 10 Jun 2008 18:32:00 +0000

-3/24/08-

Hey guys!

Internet was a bit sporadic our first week here but we've discovered a coffee place with free access! China is not so backwards after all! Well, I take that back. I did have to SQUAT to pee in every bathroom in Beijing except for the hotel. I hope that won't be the case in Shanghai because it's pretty evident I'm unable to grow a penis and well.. a girl can only take so much degradation. (I'm still mentally sitting in a corner and hugging myself.)

Just survived our last big weekend here. Hong Kong is totally a day camp for adults! They take the "work hard, play hard" mantra pretty seriously here. They have as many party districts as they do shopping. How lucky for me that we're right smack in the middle of three of them! My favorite so far is definitely Lan Kwai Fong. It's very Gwailo-fied so my meager Cantonese is more than enough to get me by. But SoHo comes close, especially since it's a quick ride (or stumble) up the travelators to get back to the Mid-Levels where we're staying.

We spent yesterday on the boat at Repulse Bay. The gang wakeboarded and I enjoyed the sun. Then we were off to a hike called Dragon's Back (because of course, everything has to be named after a mythical creature of power over here. Dragons, Phoenixes.. geeks will love it here!). The apex can only be reached after a thousand steps! But it was worth it for the view, and I can't complain about getting a base tan early either. haha. Actually, the three of us are a little more like lobsters right now - yes even this brown girl got sunburnt - but we just couldn't waste the sun. So we went to the birthday party with raccoon eyes, red noses and random tan lines. We didn't try our hand at mahjongg but ate some pretty weird food. I think that my threshold was crossed at the sea cucumber course.

Hoping to get a lot more shopping done in Shanghai. Mong kok proved fruitless. I went away with nothing more than the lingering stench of sewer mixed with deep fried stinky tofu. More to come... Hope all is well back home.

Love,
Maxie

Ni Hao!

noreply@blogger.com (Eem Eem) — Tue, 10 Jun 2008 18:29:00 +0000

-3/23/08 -

Hey guys!

I fucking love Hong Kong!!! I always said I would never move back to Asia but this place is seriously making me think twice now. Once you guys see the pics, you'll see.

Beijing gave me a sore throat. Everyone smokes there, even at restaurants! The food sucked and the city itself was a bit drab but all the attractions were so worth the 14 hour flight out here. Climbing the great wall, seeing the forbidden city and all the old relics of empirical China was a fantastic experience.

The culinary aspect of HK has not disappointed either. French, Chinese, British Pubs in Soho, LAN KWAI FONG!!!

The shopping hasn't been all that fruitful. The "Coach" bags have Gs on the print instead of Cs. I haven't perused any FRolexes. WTH?!?! And I've been in EVERY shopping district. My Octopus card has taken me to Tsim Sha Tsui, Causeway Bay, Admiralty. I'm becoming an increasingly frustrated shopper. I feel a little bit like Julia Roberts in pretty woman, "I've got all this money and nobody will help me!!" haha. well not as much as she had to blow but I was really hoping for a neat souvenir.

We're off to wakeboard Repulse Bay tomorrow (aka. a boat ride for me), then the Big Mahjongg Throwdown Birthday on Monday. Then it's off to Shanghai. One more week but it feels like the seconds are at warp speed. DAMMIT!

More news to come... Miss you guys. But not enough to come home yet.

Love, Maxie

Summertime.. and the livin's easy

noreply@blogger.com (Eem Eem) — Tue, 10 Jun 2008 18:18:00 +0000

Granted the weather hasn’t really been summer weather over here. Our highs go no farther than 65. Meaning outdoor volleyball has been sporadic. Most outdoor activities have actually been put on hold as the month of June has just officially turned into June-uary.

First things first, updates!

1. Although I didn’t get what I wanted, what with the Hag’s demise not being a permanent one and all, she has been banished elsewhere in the building. I no longer have to begrudgingly tell people I report to the incompetent, mentally crippled, mouth breather.

2. We spent the last two weeks of March in Asia. I’ll follow up this post with emails I sent to the gang from the Far East.

3. Our post-vacation adventures have been more along the lines of domesticity. Currently feeling frazzled with all the moving tasks.

4. Which is a good thing that item #1 happened because I now use my time at work to prop my feet up and relax. See examples below.

5. Sis is prego. ‘Nuff said, right? If only the news didn’t come with the obligation to visit. First of all, it would be late July in Vegas (I want the sun but not that much!) and secondly, well… it would be another awkward family gathering. But then again, we’ve turned dysfunction into an art. I’ll be fine.

If not, I will definitely be fine after spending a long weekend in Cabo San Lucas in August!

March Madness

noreply@blogger.com (Eem Eem) — Tue, 01 Apr 2008 19:02:00 +0000

Punctuated by:

Crazy girlfriends acting up due to lack of attention. Proof yet again that even the best of our gender can be high-maintenance at times.
A trip to Asia: eating weird food, meeting new and old friends and giving in to the luxury of escape.
First tan lines of the year!
The depression that sinks in after coming back from a vacation.

I'd elaborate more but I haven't quite composed my thoughts as of yet.

You can call me Angela today

noreply@blogger.com (Eem Eem) — Wed, 20 Feb 2008 17:40:00 +0000

Wednesday morning at the office. The Hag is offsite to recruit more nincompoops into the fold. So Crazy Cube Neighbor decides she wants to get chatty.

9:20am
Crazy Cube Neighbor: Hey Max, how's it going?
Me: I'm ok.
Crazy Cube Neighbor: Oh wow, you and Becky have almost the same necklace on today.
Me: Oh really, I haven't seen her so I can't tell.

Crazy Cube Neighbor then goes and asks Fungus Face if she wants to go on a smoke break.

9:23am
Crazy Cube Neighbor: Hey Max, how are you today?
Me: You just asked me that.
Crazy Cube Neighbor: Oh.... Sorry.

Note to self: Bring headphones to work tomorrow. And never play tennis with Crazy Cube Neighbor again.

Yes, the Tsu-man is right. I am a very angry person.

Phone Advice Needed

noreply@blogger.com (Eem Eem) — Wed, 20 Feb 2008 17:01:00 +0000

I'll be leaving for Hong Kong and China in three weeks time. I've got lists of things to purchase for my sister, friends and myself. But the one thing I would really like to take home with me is a new smartphone. Apparently, the gap between the Asian and North American cell phone market is beginning to close in. But we here in the west haven't quite caught up. So here are my top choices:

A Nokia N series phone. Preferrably the N96 but I'll be good with the N95.
The Samsung F480. Sounds like it might be a plane, not a phone.
The LG KF510.
The Blackberry Curve 8320. I hate that everyone has a friggin Blackberry.

So once I've figured out which one of these would suit me best, what should I watch out for to ensure I'm not going to be bringing back a brick? I'd like to think Hong Kong's capitalists aren't out to swindle me of my money, but one never knows. If anyone has any advice for lil ol' me, please feel free to leave me a comment or send me an email.

Where did the month of January go?

noreply@blogger.com (Eem Eem) — Mon, 11 Feb 2008 19:05:00 +0000

The last time I blogged, I had grand plans for travel and celebration. Well I did travel. And there was much celebrating. I think perhaps this last month was a case of time flying when you’re having fun.

I commemorated my twenty ninth glorious year of life with a marathon day of sugar, vino and good friends. (A few of my favorite things, if you don’t already know.) I had French pastries and a heavenly cup of espresso from Avenue Bread in the morning. I spent my day at work doing absolutely nothing. Not new and unusual, yes. But I wasn’t about to start picking up the slack on the anniversary of my very being.

It was off to the Bellwether for happy hour with the select gal pals after the grind. Had some calamari and pinot grigio for an aperitif. My whirlwind day continued with dinner at D’anna’s Cafe. The rich, luscious pasta, andouille sausage, shiitake mushrooms and spicy tomato sauce went perfectly with La Crema’s Pinot Noir. For dessert, it was opera cake from the Mount Bakery. Ahh.. I should have been in my twenties during the eighties. Excess suits me well, don’t you think? The cherry on top? I had another birthday celebration with the fam the weekend after. More cake, more vino and this time all my fave Chinese dishes as only Eddie Baby can cook them.

Who needs TV when you've got friends this entertaining?

Opera cake.. mmmmmmmmm...

On the 23rd of January the Tsu-man and I boarded a plane to Montreal, Canada. We were there to complete the final step of his immigration process, and to see the sights of course. Long story short, the trip was a success. I plan to blog about it in more detail the next chance I get. I’ve yet to organize pictures and unpack my suitcase so as you can probably guess, the state of my affairs are about as backed up as a constipated geriatric.

Binary Solo!

noreply@blogger.com (Eem Eem) — Fri, 04 Jan 2008 17:14:00 +0000

Nick the Greek recently introduced me to Flight of the Conchords (and 2 Girls, 1 Cup but I'm not going to rave about that!) and I am hooked. My inner nerd can't help but love their humor.

I don't deserve to be spoiled

noreply@blogger.com (Eem Eem) — Tue, 25 Dec 2007 23:54:00 +0000

And to think all I really asked for was some warm gloves.

MAC gift card from brother-in-law. He'd be such a catch, from his neverending knowledge of what girls want to the perfect chotchk-y (but not wink&agun-y) conversation style, but you all know what that spells out: P-L-A-Y-E-R.

Prada clutch from BFF JJ - I've said it before and I'll say it again, a girl only needs a handful of female friends. Version 1 (now ex) BFF's got me candleholders and enamel desk cell phone holders. WTF? I'm so glad those were collateral damage during the big fight. I heard the three of them split the goods up like vultures going for the kill.

Nike hoodie from Rupinder - YOU ROCK! Brother Neil sang high praises of the hoodie. Also you know how challenged I am when buying casual clothes. Love the little pocket for my mp3 player. Maybe we should go running together now? (I know I've gained some poundage this holiday season. And there are still atleast 3 parties lined up for us. ohhhhhh....)

Nintendo DS Lite, Louis Vuitton Oskar Waltz purse, Professional Deep Fryer, Hot-haute black stiletto boots from the beau. He knows me well. Diamonds can take a back seat.

Burton gloves from Ma & Pa T. I'm finally going to have warm hands if I ever find myself atop a snow covered mountain. I'm inspired to build a cold weather wardrobe - hopefully avoiding the snowbunny look altogther.

Bottle of German Riesling from the Angry Ketchup & Mustard fam. Another one to keep for a special occassion.

The best part - the snow is slowly accumulating outside. Although we didn't have a White Christmas this morning, we may very well do so in time for the big family din-din tonight! Merry Christmas everyone!

When Life Takes Over

noreply@blogger.com (Eem Eem) — Thu, 20 Dec 2007 01:41:00 +0000

My 10 excuses for not blogging these last three weeks:

1.) Wedding dress shopping with the BFF and her cronies left me scarred. I don't know if it was all the southern women in one car or driving the wrong way on a one way street in the middle of downtown Seattle (and playing chicken with an F-150 which led to me dropping the F-bomb in front of the BFF's two moms) or suffering the misconception of gweilos when it comes to good Chinese food.

2.) Spending some time in Texas and Louisiana and getting spoiled with 70 degree weather in December. I didn't care that everyone coasted at 90 mph, that I was in a teensy Hyundai or that I drove the seven plus hours from Dallas to Baton Rouge. I had the sun roof open and the sun was on my face. When I got back home, the realization that winter isn't even half over sent me straight into the existential blues.

3.) The fab sushi at Tsunami makes up for being dog-tired and the lack of a good dance station in the Baton Rouge area. The Japanese Magnolias (plum wine + sake) come a close second. Ofcourse there's the hot cajun boys, but I can't very well set my single gal friends up with guys 2000 miles away.

4.) Getting off the plane in time for my Nexus interview. Hooray for not sitting in line at the border!

5.) Staying in town for two nights to relive Christmas in the 80s at the Stevenson Christmas Sweater party. Gold fishnets, red leg warmers, stilettos, a christmas sweater with twin nutcrackers and the piece de resistance - a christmas cross-stitched apron.

6.) Turning back around and flying out the next day for a conference in Baltimore. I was with the Veep's ex-admin and our resident actuary, aka the fourth floor heartthrob. The next three days were unremarkable, uneventful and tiring. The USA Today Crossword came in very handy at the conference. Ofcourse we didn't realize until the last day that the conference was being recorded on video and there was a camera nestled on the ceiling above us.

7.) Flight delays due to bad weather in Denver on the way home. Thank goodness for episodes of Family Guy, Dexter and Nip/Tuck. Note to self: don't watch Nip/Tuck when seated in between two silver-haired men, it's not worth getting hit with liquid projectile when they react to an interracial swingers party scene.

8.) My car needed some attention.

9.) Celebrating the first two days of my use-it-or-lose-it time off by catching up on chores. Six loads of laundry is not normal for one person but the bathroom redo turned out great results though.

10.) Finally doing my Christmas shopping, wrapping, card-writing, reading and mailing. I think I made my Chrismas housewife persona proud.

DANGER! HIGH VOLTAGE!

noreply@blogger.com (Eem Eem) — Wed, 28 Nov 2007 22:55:00 +0000

VP Chicken Legs is married to VP Ugly Sweater. She loves her horse. She loves her horse so much that everyday she visits the CEO’s personal schlepper, Miss Cackler, to chat about the damn thing. Today’s issue was the $75 training fee for a 15-minute session in which her horse took all of two steps.

So if it's true that the higher you get on the corporate ladder, the easier it is to slack off, then I must be getting some of the best training. Granted I am not yet at VP Ugly Sweater’s level where I can blatantly take off for three hours to drive thirty miles away for a midday horse training session. But I sure am catching on fast. It’s my third day back from vacation and I can honestly say, my unproductive streak has now gone an unbroken 2 and a half weeks straight. It’s all the more gratifying since the CEO’s view out of her glass wall is my piece of the square pie at Cubedom. I wonder if she’d notice, were I to pull a George Kostanza and take a nap under my desk?

So what started this whole train of thought? Overhearing VP Ugly Sweater say the most hilarious thing at 2pm on a Wednesday afternoon. Once she was done chatting about the training session to fellow horseshit-shoveller Miss Cackler, she walks over to the CEO’s waiting area. Seated on the couch was the almighty, self-important, motormouth, ex used car salesman and now god of insurance sales, J. fucking C. The two strike up another conversation and are joined by the only southern man I know who must tan using a tanning bed, the suspender-wearing, training expert, GM.

VPUS: Look at you sitting quietly while waiting for D**** (aka the only CEO I know that only has a BA to her name).
JC: Yeah, I’ll just camp here till they’re done.
GM: Oh no, I’ve got me a 2pm audience with her.
JC: Well, I’m staying right here. Even if I fall asleep on this here couch.
VPUS: Miss Cackler will wake you up. She’s the gatekeeper.
GM: Or I’ll nudge ya when I’m done.
VPUS: You know what you need? You need a shocker! We could get you one of those shock collars.
GM: Zap you awake!

The Shark has a theory the VP Chicken Legs is the way he is because his brute of a wife is actually his dominatrix and forces the riding crop and gag on him nightly. Good God, I think he hit the nail right on the head.

For the noobs - SHOCKER Now go flash it proudly.

You mean it's still winter?

noreply@blogger.com (Eem Eem) — Tue, 27 Nov 2007 17:02:00 +0000

There’s no better reality check than coming back from four days of sand, sun, good food and great friends to work and home - where it is a wet, 37 degrees and chances of snow overnight. It was cold in Tofino, and the sun being out was an exception rather than the norm. We made sure to soak it up by going on hikes and seeing the quaintness of the little artsy town. Once that was done, I spent some time catching up on my reading and watching old movies while the rest of the group played football out on the beach. As much fun as it looked, I was so happy to switch to some downtime and was fully content being in the warm cottage in between hot tub soaks.

But now it is my second day back at work. I’ve got my scarf wrapped around my neck, my fingers are icicles and the frozen toe syndrome is starting to kick in despite the wool socks. It’s taking all the willpower not to get up, tell the Hag to go fuck herself, go back home and straight into the warmth of my goose-down. Incentives to staying? Hmmm.. 1.) Not quitting job assures future vacations. 2.) I really would like to stick around to watch her die at her desk and go undiscovered for days. 3.) Nanay’s squash soup for lunch. Mmmm…. A hot, creamy, puree of squash, onions, garlic, potatoes, herbs, with my own twist – a pat of melted butter, ricotta cheese and soy milk – and a dash of chili powder for some heat. I guess that settles it. I’ll stick around, if only to enjoy my lunch while hoping for the Hag to choke on hers.

Another reality check? There are only 28 shopping days until Christmas, even less for the ones that I have to mail out. ACK!

I swear I'm not medicated

noreply@blogger.com (Eem Eem) — Tue, 13 Nov 2007 16:51:00 +0000

More Mondays should be Tuesdays. I envy people who work 10 hours shifts for four days for their three day weekends. Naturally, I don't envy them for the 40 hours of work but who in their right mind would? A four day work week.. I think I'll put that on my Christmas wish list.

I'm back from a three day weekend celebrating the Tsu-man's birthday. We drove down to Seattle to play tourists. We hit the Seattle Aquarium, the Pacific Science Center, the Museum of Flight and went on a cruise of Elliott Bay. It was a fun weekend, made even more perfect by mother nature gracing us with some much needed sun. And so it is that I find myself in such a good mood that I've got nothing to bitch about.

Sitting in a Blackbird's cockpit.

"Ladies, please be careful of your language...there may be gentlemen present."

A windy day on Elliott Bay

Hey, it could be worse

noreply@blogger.com (Eem Eem) — Fri, 09 Nov 2007 16:24:00 +0000

Last night, I went to costco for spinach, mozzarella and juice. I left with lasagna ingredients and eight kinds of cheese. Not a big deal, right? Except that I live alone most of the week and well... is a weakness for good cheese reason enough? Be that as it may, my refrigerator has now been taken over by this stuff. Garlic White Cheddar, Roasted Cracked Black Pepper White Cheddar, Extra Sharp Cheddar, Smoked Sharp Cheddar, Creamy Havarti, Mozzarella, Cottage Cheese and Ricotta. Add that to the half eaten Smokey Bar and Roquefort that I've had around for salads and I'm only two short of a dozen. Fark! Please don't send me to cheesaholics anonymous just yet. I'm sure I can get this under control.